Jan. 31st, 2011

lemon_says: (Anarchy)
Ez and I attended a Mommy and Me art class this morning with [livejournal.com profile] mrs__smith and Dash. Ez was really excited and very much enjoyed himself. As we got in the car to leave, he said, "I love art class. I love it and I'm very happy to go. But just in case, let's not tell Anya. She might freak out."

I agreed that this can be our little secret if he likes. I said, "Okay, but remember, if you tell her about your picture or anything, she's going to know. Besides, Anya gets to do tennis and Cuong Nhu and you don't, so it's only fair for you to get to do something special too. She can suck it up. Hey, do you want the last two Tic-tacs?"

He looked grave for a moment. "Maybe we better save one of those for Anya, in case I tell her about art class." Smart kid, that one. Speaking of Monster, she will be easily distracted today because her new booster seat is out for delivery. Sadly, it has no cup holder--which Ez's does--so I sense that P is going to be jerry-rigging a cup holder when he gets home.

~~

I am weaning off the Paxil. I figure that it's been two and a half years since my accident and if I'm not less anxious by now, I'm probably not going to be. Most of the worst of the PTSD issues have waned, although I do still have some that sneak up on me when I'm not expecting it. Stopping Paxil is, however, no picnic: it's like having a nine-volt battery stuck to your tongue all the time while you also have the flu. Shakes, aches, sweats, lots of fun. I am having a little trouble with some depression about it--this is going to last forever, I'm going to have head shocks for months, the anxiety is going to come back twice as bad--but I suppose them's the breaks. So if I'm a bit short with people or seem to lack my usual optimism, there you go. I don't know if I have any business being unmedicated, given the lifelong crippling severity of the anxiety, but I've done it before and I'll give it another shot. I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed right now, though, and a bit dark. It's like everything is a struggle sometimes, isn't it? I feel like I can't just enjoy anything because everything is such a damn uphill battle. Sometimes you see things on top of the hill and know that these things are just not for you to have.

Thus I shall close my feeling sorry for myself today, and quit with the rainy-day navel-gazing and Dickensian pathos.

~~

I am eagerly awaiting the alphabet book we made my mom. I'm really happy with how it turned out, and it should be here in a couple of days. The kids are excited. I'm excited. We're dorks.

~~

I have heard some wonderful news for some wonderful friends today, and I am very, very happy for them. That always brightens the day, doesn't it? And a good buddy is starting up a knitting group in my 'hood, so I'm looking forward to that. I wish this rain would back off by tomorrow--we had a gorgeous weekend and are a bit spoiled for that--because it's rained or snowed every Tuesday since before Christmas and Monster's going to forget how to play tennis if she doesn't get back on that court. The weather was SO beautiful this weekend, and we were able to spend a lot of time outside and with friends.

And lo, as I am starting to ramble, I shall go eat some lunch and play with my cat, who strongly resembles a small boy and talks an awful lot for a cat, but is funny nonetheless.

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