Mar. 9th, 2011

lemon_says: (Pow)
Several of Anya's friends have a little brother or sister Ezra's age, so play dates here or at other people's houses are often group things. Big Ez in particular enjoys this; he is more comfortable somewhere new if Monster is there, and he likes to play with her too. But, as nothing lasts forever, Anya is branching out and making good friends on her own, and Big Ez isn't always included. And lo, there is much lamenting and gnashing of teeth.

Some of her friends like for him to be here when they come over: there's a set of twins that Ezra adores who openly treat him like a coddled pet, and he basks in that attention. I try to distract him when he gets too pushy so she gets time with just her friends as he often has while she's at school, but for the most part things go smoothly.

See, Ez adores Anya. She picks on him sometimes in the idle and petty way of older siblings, but if she gets in trouble, he jumps to her defense. The other day I said something to her about how she sometimes was mean to him for no reason, and he said, "She is NOT! Anya is NOT EVER mean to me!" I said to Anya, "What'd you do, pay him off?" She grinned and said, "Hypnosis." If she wears a shirt similar to one he has, he must match her (which is why both of my children are wearing Santa shirts in early March, if you were wondering), and if you compliment him on something he has done, he immediately responds with, "You should see Anya do that. She's much faster/smarter/better than me." No matter how many times we remind him that we're talking about HIM and HIS abilities, he still says, "When I'm bigger, I'll be good like Anya."

So I suppose it isn't surprising that his feelings are so tender about being left behind. He just wants to be near his hero, included in what she does, but it's hard getting him to understand that that just isn't always going to happen. She is going to a friend's house this afternoon, and he is positively morose. I have pointed out that he often gets to play with friends without her, but he's inconsolable. With some friends he doesn't take it so personally--she went to a birthday party on Friday that was all girls and he wanted nothing to do with that--but if it is a child that he has played with, he doesn't understand why he can't just go too. He actually told me, "I'm small! I won't get in the way and I can share Anya's snack!"

I guess it's tough not to be invited when you're a people person who gets along with most anyone (his preschool nemesis excluded) and you're used to siblings being welcome at your house? He's always willing to share his friends and include others in his games, so he doesn't really get the idea that they might want to play without him. (On the upside, this means he isn't one of those little jerks who tells people, "YOU can't play with MY friend." I cannot stand that behavior in kids, so I'm grateful neither of mine does it. Anya is well-known for being the peacemaker at school who finds a way for everyone to be included.)

Poor dude. I've told him it's not about you; sometimes people just want to play by themselves, but I do hate to see his feelings get hurt. I remember being the littler one and feeling so left out. It's just a tough reality sometimes.

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