Mar. 28th, 2011

lemon_says: (EvilLynn)
Apparently I'd gotten quite chubby or something, because several people have now told me they just "knew" I was pregnant. Some of them even before I actually was, which is fascinating. I did not know I had so many psychic acquaintances. Nobody thought to suggest this to me, however, which would seem like the natural thing to do--particularly if it was prior to the actual conception. I'm literally up to 12 people who "just knew," most before I did. I'll buy one or two of them who see me a lot and know me well, but come on.

I wish the psychics had given me a head's up on the fact that despite two earlier ones that caused no nausea, this round has led to weeks of selecting meals based on what is least distressing making its return an hour or so later. I have blown out blood vessels in my eyes, people. I'm on my second bottle of Zofran.

Anyway, if those of you who just knew could let me know how the rest of this is going to go, I'd appreciate it. Also, let me know the sex of the baby and if we're ever going to get the house done, mmmkay?

Seriously, though, I do keep hearing the same things ooooover and over. I know people are trying to be funny. Yes, we know how this happens. Yes, we know the Zone defense. Yeah, it's really funny to tell us what a bad idea it is to be outnumbered, ha ha ha, now that it is too late. Sure, tell us why your third child was a terror/antichrist/the one who destroyed your marriage. Point out how expensive colleges are, and that I need a minivan. Then make the vasectomy joke. Hee hee.

I know people mean well, and I know they're trying to be funny. Some of it is cute--the zone defense joke is cute, I've just heard it 20 times and I just told people on Friday, but I smile every time--but some of it is irritating. It's like the "were you trying" response to an announcement that always rankles so badly. So rude! We refuse to give the desired answer to that: P has always responded "No, I'm careless and she's irresponsible," and I'll say, "Do you mean did we have sex on purpose, or were we unaware of the potential consequences?"

I don't mean to sound horribly bitchy. I have always made a point of telling expectant mothers happy things: it's easier to have two when they entertain each other, nobody cares if the house isn't vacuumed every day, childbirth is not an eternal, excruciating misery, stuff like that. It always surprises me when people say things that sound like thinly-veiled hostility under humor, like, "Sleep now because you never will again," or "You'll be begging for an epidural, ha ha," or snarky cracks about "How many are you going to have?" (Twenty-six. We want to beat the Duggars. Or we'll just stop after this one.) I wonder if people realize how they sound when they say things like that.

So, this is my bitchy "no more lame jokes and you totally did NOT know" post. I'll try to keep further bitching to a minimum, but I will offer the reminder that yes, we know our last name is a beast and we've done this twice already, so we've probably heard whatever bizarre name combination you can suggest. :)

But hey, if you're ever just hanging out with a friend who has been advised not to have another child and are suddenly stricken with the knowledge that she's going to anyway, let her know. She might be about to buy a new pair of pants or a sports car or something.
lemon_says: (Hip)
I've been trying to talk to a real, live person at the ortho's office for a week now to get a copy of my films to show the high-risk OB. I played phone tag with the nurse, who based on her voicemail is only ever in clinic or lunch, neither of which avails her to answer the phone. Finally I left a message on Friday that sounded like this: "This is Lynn Z again, and I'm still waiting to hear from you regarding when I can pick up my x-rays. I am not paying for copies because I know that there are 12 identical films in that file, since I get one every time I come. I JUST NEED ONE."

Nothin'. So today I called back and got the receptionist and pitched a fit, and she said, "Well, you could just go through the hospital radiology desk and go pick it up right now."

Oh, thanks. Why didn't Leah the nurse TELL me that last week? So I called radiology and the nice lady there said she would only be there for another half hour. I said, "I'm on my way," and my sidekicks and I hauled ass over to AMC and booked it through the hospital as fast as a cripple and two children can go, and picked up my disks.

Right, my disks, plural. She just burned copies of everything. I don't have a physical x-ray, but I have two disks of photos of my insides. And one of those disks is labeled "Complete CT." See, for a year I didn't even know I HAD a CT (with contrast! I don't even know what that really entails), so it's kind of strange to look at a full-body scan that I didn't know they were taking.

Who wants to see my brain and eyeballs? )
Furthermore, I had previously only seen post-surgical x-rays in which I was reassembled, so I hadn't realized how glaringly obvious the disaster formerly known as my pelvis was on film. I've broken bones before, and when they show it to you on the x-ray it's always this vague fuzzy spot, right? Yeah, no. No wonder this shit hurt, man. Parts of my pelvis broke right the hell off and were just floating there, blocking that artery that started spurting during surgery. I'm reading the reports (which I had also not seen) and there's all kinds of shit going on there I didn't know about. Part of my lung was collapsed?? Nobody ever mentioned that. It's good to know, if it is a little insulting, that my "liver, spleen, and gall bladder are unremarkable."

This is NOT what a pelvis is supposed to look like. )

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