Jun. 16th, 2011

Meds.

Jun. 16th, 2011 08:57 pm
lemon_says: (EvilLynn)
It occurs to me, as I collect half-empty bottles of pills in my Adventures In Detox, that if I were the kind of person who would do so--and I'm not--I could make some serious bank offloading all these painkillers. I need a trench coat with little holders for pill bottles in the lining, and I could just go up to L5P and start whispering, "I got morphine! I got Oxy! Vicodin? Anyone?"

Going ok, by the by. Still get a little twitchy at times, and have to just suck it up or I'll never get off. I'm ahead of schedule, completely off the morphine (which I didn't HAVE to do until week 34) for a month now, and cutting the doses of everything else. I don't take anything if it's remotely possible for me to muddle through; I can handle pain if I have to, but when it gets to where I literally can't move my leg properly I give in and take a small pill. It still surprises me that the OBs and pain specialist don't think that my being on them is as bad as I do. You and I know that no matter what ever happens with this child, I'm going to suspect that it's because I was on pain maintenance. Slow to walk? My fault. No talking? Obviously the meds. Wants to grow up to be a cheerleader? Clearly, Mommy was a junkie.

Yeah, it hurts. I'm getting some twinges of the SPD I had with Ez, which the OB and perinatal guy anticipated, both because I had it before and because, well, you know, the pelvis, it is broke.

Yeah, I get tired of talking about it too. Probably not as tired as y'all get of listening to it, but there it is. I am going to maintain optimism and choose to believe that this is a good thing because it means the pelvis is still working like it's supposed to with this whole birth thing. Right? Right. Okay, then.

You know what still strikes me as funny sometimes about all of this? I rarely even took aspirin or ibuprofen for a headache. When I broke my arm in college, I took two of the pills for the pain, and left the rest in the cabinet for ages--I think I assumed that someday I might run into something that hurt worse and would need them? Sleep aids? I don't know.

You know what else? It's a little embarrassing being both handicapped and pregnant. I don't think I can possibly explain without sounding utterly ridiculous, but it's like being really conspicuous, times two. Like I should explain that I get the parking spot because I'm really crippled, not because I can't hack being pregnant. See? Ridiculous. I know. But I have enough total strangers commenting when I use my cane, and an equal number just on the baby, so when I have both it's like being part of a sideshow.

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