Jul. 6th, 2011

lemon_says: (lemonbaby)
Before Monster was born, we all speculated about what she'd be like, even though we didn't even know she'd be a she. I would complain from time to time about how she'd get her feet lodged under my ribs and push so hard that it really hurt, and my mom would say, "Oh, please! How much can feet an inch long hurt?" And then after Monster was here, and she held that little head up on her pencil neck from day one and stood up when she was a month old on those sturdy, strong little legs, my mom conceded that I might have had a point. We knew she'd be small but mighty, an assumption that has proven itself true repeatedly--including last night when she joined P in some gruesome workout thing (like P90X or whatever the hell that is, but not that one) and totally whipped his ass. He took a break and got some water, and she perkily announced, "It's ok if you need a break Daddy! I'll just do jumping jacks until you feel better! Then we'll do the third level!" The kid's freakishly coordinated and athletic, incredibly compassionate and perceptive.

I didn't know before he was born, but it didn't take long to see that Big Ez had a strong sense of humor. He's always gotten the joke, even way back when he was a baby. Most of the baby photos I have of him show him grinning his big toothless smile. Anya was a far more serious baby; she wasn't the kind of baby who would laugh heartily if you tore paper or made silly faces. She'd give you this patient, polite smile and wait for you to do something that was actually funny. Once Ez got here, it was like she had a personal entertainer, though. He's a performer with an engineer brain.

But we didn't know all of that, of course, back before they made their debuts on the outside. We didn't know that Monster wouldn't sleep and Big Ez wouldn't grow for a while. And I can't remember what I thought they'd be like, if I had a lot of expectations. I don't think I did.

When Monster was so little and just would not sleep, I was so tired that it made me crazy. I worried about her not sleeping, even when the ped offered the ever-helpful observation, "Perhaps she is not tired." My mom would say, "When she's two, and you know her really well, you'll look back at this and it'll all be clear." And it was. Monster just wasn't tired. And the times when Big Ez was being passed around and held a lot and then he'd just have a total meltdown and refuse to eat or be calmed, he was just being the way Ez is when he is in a swivet and doesn't really know what he wants anyway.

So, I wonder who this little person is. I wonder if I'll get one this time that both sleeps and grows, one that doesn't scream in the car for six solid months, one that smiles as much as Ez or is as strong as Anya. It's been long enough since Ez was a baby that it's strange to think of another baby here, to speculate about how she might be like her brother or her sister, and how she might just be like herself. If she'll be as much a Libra as Anya is a Gemini or Ez is a Scorpio (and Jesus, is he a Scorpio), even though I kinda think astrology is mostly bunk. And of course, I worry that I have been too fortunate, too lucky with my kids already to expect another so healthy, so relatively easy (except for that car screaming thing).

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