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Tattletales.
Apr. 8th, 2008 09:27 amAnya hears a lot in kids' books about not being a tattletale. This raises something of a conundrum for me, as I want her to be a tattletale.
Not every time, obviously. But I prefer to deal with things on a case-by-case basis ("Who had it first? Can you let him have a turn and then take a turn? Sharing doesn't mean giving it to you," etc.) rather than making the blanket statement "don't be a tattletale" to a three-year-old.
I realize that the inclination to ostracize tattletales is a strong one, but it's pretty difficult to explain the difference between whistle-blowing and tattling to a child. Not only that, but why don't you want them to tell you if someone does something? Isn't that the same kind of mentality that conceals bullying, and worse?
Thinking back to when I was a kid, I used to get most annoyed at tattletales who told on me and got me in trouble. Now, if I was doing something worth getting in trouble for, isn't it appropriate that someone told on me?
I don't want her to think that telling me that Ezra has eaten a rock is tattling, or that she can't tell me if someone at school says something to upset her. As she gets older and things aren't so black-and-white I'll explain the difference between being a tattletale and telling things that you should, but I'm just not down with teaching her omerta in preschool.
It's interesting to me that we make such a big deal over tattletales being bad, but how we love our juicy gossip and the brave souls who rat out politicians, all that. We frown at those who protect their friends at the detriment of others, yet still tell our kids not to tell on their friends. Someone needs to figure this out.
Not every time, obviously. But I prefer to deal with things on a case-by-case basis ("Who had it first? Can you let him have a turn and then take a turn? Sharing doesn't mean giving it to you," etc.) rather than making the blanket statement "don't be a tattletale" to a three-year-old.
I realize that the inclination to ostracize tattletales is a strong one, but it's pretty difficult to explain the difference between whistle-blowing and tattling to a child. Not only that, but why don't you want them to tell you if someone does something? Isn't that the same kind of mentality that conceals bullying, and worse?
Thinking back to when I was a kid, I used to get most annoyed at tattletales who told on me and got me in trouble. Now, if I was doing something worth getting in trouble for, isn't it appropriate that someone told on me?
I don't want her to think that telling me that Ezra has eaten a rock is tattling, or that she can't tell me if someone at school says something to upset her. As she gets older and things aren't so black-and-white I'll explain the difference between being a tattletale and telling things that you should, but I'm just not down with teaching her omerta in preschool.
It's interesting to me that we make such a big deal over tattletales being bad, but how we love our juicy gossip and the brave souls who rat out politicians, all that. We frown at those who protect their friends at the detriment of others, yet still tell our kids not to tell on their friends. Someone needs to figure this out.
